One of the biggest things that attracted me to my current boyfriend was that he was always working to better himself. When we met we were both going through divorces after 10 and 12 year marriages and he seemed to take responsibility and really be focused on personal growth. That was huge for me because that's something I talk a lot about with my coaches and it's been such an important part of my life, especially over the past couple years and working through my own shit. I am always looking to learn and to grow as a person and I'm a huge advocate of seeing a therapist (everyone needs one!)
One night while we were in a hotel in Ohio, he suggested that we make a list of rules for our relationship that we would literally print out and put on the fridge so we see it every day. I'm excited to see this list grow as we do and please let me know if there's anything you think should be added to the list!
1. Never go more than 5 or 6 days without seeing each other
My boyfriend and I both travel a lot for work (and for fun!) and after one 10 day span we decided we'd never let that happen. Ever. Again. Even if that meant I had to change my flight home from a women's retreat in Miami to meet him in Ohio where he was working for the week so I could see him earlier. (That's where this list was created!)
2. Never go to bed upset
I tried this once... I was upset and didn't want him to see me cry so I wasn't going to talk about it. That's when he did the most perfect thing ever... he flipped me over, made me laugh and made me tell him what was bothering me. I'm so glad he called me out on my shit that night!
3. Talk every night before we go to bed
So many times people think they're communicating because they're keeping in touch throughout the day via texting and social media, but there's something about actually sitting down and talking. And be sure to talk about real things... wants, needs, dreams, goals, insecurities, concerns... not just the superficial bull shit. I would much rather hear what really makes you tick than, "I had a meeting today then went to the gym and this is what I ate for lunch." (Trust me, I dated that guy and those superficial texts get old really quick!)
This is definitely something I struggle with. I run my business mainly through facebook and on my phone, so it's easy to get in the habit of mindlessly scrolling. I need to shut it down way more than I do. The struggle is real! One thing you can do for this (and I need to take my own advice) is to schedule your time. Plan down time from 8 - 10 pm each night (or whenever you choose) and don't touch your phone or open your computer.
5. Don't complain to others, always go to each other first
I think this rule is super important for a couple of reasons... First, communication is soooo important in a relationship. If you have something bothering you, the person you're with should be the first to know so you can work through it together. Sometimes instead of speaking up and saying something, we hold it in and get ourselves so worked up in our head. If we would just talk about it you'll more likely than not realize that whatever is bothering us isn't as big of a deal as we can make it out to be. Second, you may love your friends, but that doesn't mean they're good at listening or giving advice. Everyone has that one friend who will jump on the "Oh no he didn't!" bandwagon with you and next thing you know your little complaint is now a full blown situation with your friend is ready to slash his tires. I am beyond lucky to have two amazing best friends who give the best advice ever, regardless of if it's what I want to hear or not. They will be the first to call me on my bull shit and tell me when I'm in the wrong. But I realize I'm not the norm. I'm also very careful to only go to my friends when I'm looking for advice for a SOLUTION, and not just to complain.
6. Have regular date nights
Whether you make this once a week or once a month, I think it's so important to get dressed up, go out to dinner and reconnect. Why do so many couples do this in the new stage when they first start dating, but don't think it's important to keep it going?
7. One day a month, stay in bed all day
I don't think this one really needs an explanation. ;)
8. Take a trip together once a quarter
This could be a weekend road trip to a spa or some wineries or it could be an all out vacation. Whatever it is, put it on your calendar, make the time to do it and get out there!
9. Talk on the phone
So much is lost in text and so few people talk on the phone anymore. When I'm traveling I love it when I get a text from my boyfriend saying, "I need to hear your voice."
10. Never stop texting
Texting has been a huge part of our relationship from the start. We met on Match the week before I was going to Barbados for a family vacation so we had no other choice but to text. As our relationship grew the texts got even better. Almost every single day now I get a text, pic or meme from him to let me know how he feels about me... some are super sweet and romantic, some are much more hot.. now every time my phone buzzes I hope it's him. I also now have an entire album on my phone of sex and relationship memes so I can return the favor. I absolutely LOVE this about us and I'm always telling him, "Never stop texting me."
11. Take time to go out with your friends
It's easy to get wrapped up in a relationship and become all coupley, but you don't want to forget your friends. Take time to stay connected with them and to see them with and without each other. Plan a girls sushi night, go out golfing with the guys and plan a couples date as well to keep all of your relationships strong.
And most importantly, be YOU!
Don't play games. Say what's on your mind. If you like him, tell him. Life is too short to worry about timing or stupid dating rules. I'm pretty sure we broke just about every dating rule there was and we both agree we wouldn't change a thing!
If you have anything you think needs to be added to this list, drop a comment below!
Peace, Love, Glitter & F Bombs